high on benadryl

i have a low tolerance for most allergy drugs. not to the point where i am pleasantly high but to the point where i am a dick . totally insane. i have had some bad episodes but in that i don't take my allegra appropriately i am normally forced to take benadryl during the ever frequent occurrence of my allergy season.
today i am the immigrant. you probably have encountered some random non-english speaker who looks puzzled even just trying to order at taco bell. well i am that dude now. it will change your perception that tis for sure. i can barely even order lunch at the pizza place down the street. part of that is my own fault for several reasons:
1) while the rest of you smartened up after college and gave up on all of adolescent ideology, i stayed vegetarian. at least in japan they have pictures of everything on the menu thus enabling me to be completely confident that each item did contain pork. i think that our eastern neighbors may in fact be southern.
2) falling for the self righteous typical american i assumed that the since every country in the free world is taught english as a second language from basically birth that they would love to speak english at any and every available chance that they got. nope. most are either too self conscious to try or know as much english as i know their language.
3) having to stumble through my phrase book makes look and feel like a fool. a hungry fool who realydoesn't to be the typical american but in the end is just that guy.
but the best part of all is that i am totally aware that almost every country in the world associates me with our foreign policies or more specifically with our attempt to colonize the few countries who dare to doubt the divine right that the lord himself bestowed on our country. i am not 100% sold on that either. the idea just seems kinda presumptuous on our part to assume that god picks us. it sorta falls back to the 144k that the bible tells get to go to heaven. i say if you believe that then power to you but i don't have that level of confidence. i figure if i compete with all of mankind for all our eternity i would be lucky to make the top 5 million. they are like 2 billion on the planet now. i am not even sure i could make the cut for this year must less all of eternity. surely some saints, monks, nuns, preachers, and even some moms would trump me. and not to mention the kids that dies early like that kid from oprah. he is so in. i am screwed...
all i am trying to say is be patient b/c you have been that guy you don't understand just scary, difficult, and downright confusing every day is in a place that you just don't understand.
the fun part is that i get to make up what stuff means. i make up some really cool places that see on my drives all over this country. i did figure out that red lights in houses are not just goth chicks but sting taught me that sorta before i got here so that technically is cheating.