high on benadryl

i have a low tolerance for most allergy drugs. not to the point where i am pleasantly high but to the point where i am a dick . totally insane. i have had some bad episodes but in that i don't take my allegra appropriately i am normally forced to take benadryl during the ever frequent occurrence of my allergy season.
today i am the immigrant. you probably have encountered some random non-english speaker who looks puzzled even just trying to order at taco bell. well i am that dude now. it will change your perception that tis for sure. i can barely even order lunch at the pizza place down the street. part of that is my own fault for several reasons:
1) while the rest of you smartened up after college and gave up on all of adolescent ideology, i stayed vegetarian. at least in japan they have pictures of everything on the menu thus enabling me to be completely confident that each item did contain pork. i think that our eastern neighbors may in fact be southern.
2) falling for the self righteous typical american i assumed that the since every country in the free world is taught english as a second language from basically birth that they would love to speak english at any and every available chance that they got. nope. most are either too self conscious to try or know as much english as i know their language.
3) having to stumble through my phrase book makes look and feel like a fool. a hungry fool who realydoesn't to be the typical american but in the end is just that guy.
but the best part of all is that i am totally aware that almost every country in the world associates me with our foreign policies or more specifically with our attempt to colonize the few countries who dare to doubt the divine right that the lord himself bestowed on our country. i am not 100% sold on that either. the idea just seems kinda presumptuous on our part to assume that god picks us. it sorta falls back to the 144k that the bible tells get to go to heaven. i say if you believe that then power to you but i don't have that level of confidence. i figure if i compete with all of mankind for all our eternity i would be lucky to make the top 5 million. they are like 2 billion on the planet now. i am not even sure i could make the cut for this year must less all of eternity. surely some saints, monks, nuns, preachers, and even some moms would trump me. and not to mention the kids that dies early like that kid from oprah. he is so in. i am screwed...
all i am trying to say is be patient b/c you have been that guy you don't understand just scary, difficult, and downright confusing every day is in a place that you just don't understand.
the fun part is that i get to make up what stuff means. i make up some really cool places that see on my drives all over this country. i did figure out that red lights in houses are not just goth chicks but sting taught me that sorta before i got here so that technically is cheating.

wtf

i just watched super size me. yeah whatever i have to wait on dvd's and i haven't seen f 9'11 yet either but anyway. how the fries don't decompose like ever is very disconcerting. i may not eat at the mcd's again. i am really confused about these fries. maybe i should give up the bell to or just forget that i saw the movie and go on with life. if the global warming is a lie and the republicans are right my life would be easier.

why i hate germany...

i can't turn the heat on in my house. i suppose that the local gas company has to come to my house b/c nothing here is ever simple. i went to the landlord house today and stumbled through asking for his help in turning the heat on and he said something about the telephone which i loosely translated either to " call the gas company" or "call someone who speaks english". we have conversations everyday which consist of me translating in my head what he is saying to my broken german. i know maybe 6 words of german and he knows no english. i generally use lots of gestures and he usually loses interest when we have lulls of silence and he excuses himself. last week i asked him if we used to have horses in our barn. i do not know the german word for horse and it is surprisingly not in my quick phrase book. so i repeated slowly in english and made horse sounds. i then used my hands to shape an imaginary horse in the air. needless to say, he finished his cigarette and said "ciao". so there you have it. my life. my kid has a cold. i am developing a sore throat and my wife is pissed. i did find some sort of furnace which lit and got hot but only got hot at the source. if i was a hobbit and lived in the basement that would be great. however i hate the basement b/c i decided as most city kids would that storing the extra dog food there is logical. the bag is now empty and all that remains is a mass quanity of shiite. i informed the wife of this occurrence and said we most have a bunny. she was not impressed. she said that she knew it was a rat and the cuddly mouse that i attempted to sell her on after the bunny charade. not to mention that the fact that the basement probably is haunted. i am not your typical scary pants but the neighbor's friend was a pow at some internment camp in louisiana and the landlord also fought the u.s. in munich (munchen)...
side note: why does the u.s. find it necessary to rename everything. if a country calls something one name why must we rename it. just adding to my difficulty in finding on a map. thank you america for your divine right theology fuckers. digressing...the ss is surrounding me and anti-americanism is at an all time high so much so that i circled the block 3 times last night walking the dog b/c i was just positive that the man parking outside my house was planting a bomb. i live in the smallest farming community around and i am convinced (thanks mr. president) that he is targeting my random ass house for an explosive device. this jihad is a bitch.
back to the ghosts. i am quite sure that the jews were kept in my house. everyone around here says that the shackles located in my basement were horses or some other animal but to me i see anne frank everytime i go down looking for some box of crap that i should've left in japan anyway. but nooooooo i brought my crap to germany so that anne frank's ghost could have even less room to play in. fucking great.
the neighbor was not impressed btw when i kinda let out a nervous laugh when he told me that his perfect english was garnered from some dude keeping watch over him in the bayou. fucking great.
so in short i love being overseas "fightin' for freedom" but fuck me can i just get a heater, a fucking closet (no sorry the germans take them with each time they move), a decent size freezer, and a phone line( oh the last tenants cut the line before left, of course they did...who wouldn't have).

Mrs. Goodman

i kinda revel in the fact that this blog is my dirty lil' secret b/c i can write down things that i can't say out loud mostly b/c the parties interested are long out of my life.
1) mrs. goodman was this hot dr. lady that i hung out with alot for about a year. she was like 20 years older than me and so rad. it is weird but her kids wanted to go to rock shows and she went with them to psuedo-chaperone. she seemed like the raddest mom in the world at the time. i just though that she was letting them be the kids that kids should getto be but with some supervision. we used to go grocery shopping like every sun. night. i liked to go late on sun. nights b/c the stores are less crowded and have a pretty severe phobia about crowds. we used to talk for hours just about life and groceries. i usually had like 20 bucks so my purchases were pretty limited ( vegetarian items are overpriced).
i am closing in on 30 now and haven't seen or heard from herin like 6 years. i have a kid and am married so now my adultness is clouding my view. she had boys as do i and the part that i don't get is why tag along after the first or second show. i mean you know the environment at that point and you realize it is secure (for the most part). i got to know her pretty well. hell, i think that had probably the world's biggest crush on her but being young and dumb i told her all that was going on in my life at the time. how could any self respecting woman (assuming that the age thing were a none issue) go for some dude fucking whatever and whenever he could. i was out of control. i think in hind sight that she married too young, got preg, and missed her life. thus now she was single and rocking out. she probably just wanted to be young and dumb like us and i just wanted to be like her. settled, smart, and together. we both probably got more out of the other than we realized at the time. at least i did...

the 10 years since hs

this past month has marked what should have been a big moment in my life. i am 10 years out of hs now. i haven't died, contracted a std, or done anything worthwhile. i got married, had a kid, bought a house, got in significant debt, and lost a job. i joined the military. i lost touch with some truly important people and got a new dog. i have lived in japan and now germany.
maybe i should've gone but i was out of town. i just have an alot of time on my hands and i keep neglecting my homework.

What is going on in the world?

apparently my birthplace has gotten incredibly more dangerous. my friend rents my house and he says that just a few weeks ago a kid rode up on his bike to steal his roommate's stereo out of his car. my friend stopped the kid and then the little felon in the making pulled a gun and fired a warning shot. this all took place at around 4 in the morning but noone heard or saw a thing. the police were called but didn't show up. I am really concerned that a kid on a bike is terrorizing the city. I think that all kids on bikes should be considered dangerous until more is learned about this incident.
my house is now going to have a wooden fence around the front yard with sticker bushes. a better crime deterrent cannot be found.