I must first acknowledge that I didn't realize this was anything more than a journal so forgive me for my lack of spell check and punctuation. I never read it, I just type (poorly). so now with (thanks german radio) R. Kelly telling me, in the background, about my potential I (halfway into a bottle of beam b/c jd lowered the volume and makes me ....um suicidal) resume this most unnecessary of endeavors.
I am completely by myself over here. It is strange and I find that I am uncomfortable most of the time. I can only talk to one guy in my town and I find myself using broken English with him. I am the stranger in a strange place but I am finding comfort in it. The first place I lived outside of my mom's was Felix Ave. Felix in and of itself was as stereotypical a house as there ever was. Parties, Drunk, sex, blah blah blah... But some small things take you back to where you were then. Felix will always be cold to me. I don't mean that in a bad way but in a literal one. I picked the shiitiest room in the house. I was just so stoked to be moving out of my mom's ( I had visions of re-dunc-ulous sex...again R. Kelly). I picked what at one time was no doubt the dining room. It was right inside the front door and had clear glass doors on it, with a nice sized gap at the bottom. I put up black sheets and mad privacy. I thought anyway until I entertained a date ( a rebound at that) and learned the next day that my sexy candles put on a show.
The room, as I routinely get off topic, was horribly cold. We had all moved into the house in the fall and it had old school floor furnaces, which when stood over were amazing. however, most of us were freezing all night long. I assume b/c I was cold as ice (to paraphrase the movie). Tonight I was making my dinner (r.e. reheating the dinner from Sat. ) and I realized that this is in some ways Felix. The kitchen doesn't have Ben's Grilled Cheeses and Dev's random pics of Winona but this motherfucker is cold. I say that not as Bootsy Collins but as someone who does not know how to work their German made heater which may or may not be in the basement.
I have 2 things that I want to share with you.
1) The man on the german radio thinks that racism is bad and that if you are racist pls call him b/c he wants to help. I assume by playing you some of the horrible r&b music that I have been listening to due to my laziness. --side note-- the black lady on the radio says that god made you so quit hating and she has now requested boyz2men fo Jesus, One Love. --I am too drunk to even think about this. Fuck you spell check. What won't I do fo love....so true.
2) this is the real reason for this entry. My landlord's dad lives across the street and we have no common bond. I (We ) talk routinely using hand gestures and broken (i.e. 1st grade level) german. I refer to the neighbor as Opa (Grandpa in german) and his grandkids who speak some english seem to know whom I referring. I noticed that he has been gone everyday and that is uncharacteristic ( Yes, I am your grandparent. Keeping tabs on the neighbors; but let's get back to topic).
I came to find that his wife is in the german version of the "home". She is suffering from heart blockage and she will come home but who knows for how long. I am in late my 20's and as unsympathetic as the next fucker but this got me. See, you reach a point in life (I am just being honest) where you understand that you have done (sexually) what you wanted. WHOA WHOA WHOA. You lost me. I am saying that I witnessed true love at 14 and have never looked back.
We had a full on alheizmer's patient working at my school. We all callously thought he was just some old man on his last stand. Well, we were fuckers and wrong. That old fuckers was probably all of us embodied in one man. He had been a major league prospect and a janitor. I often wonder if that isn't what life is. The highs and lows. Mr. Berry wouldn't let us take his dignity from him b/c he had so much more than we ever saw. Something that we all wanted. He had love.
All bullshit aside I saw it and it changed my life. I was 14 and on my way to church with my mom. We had started picking up Ms. Berry that summer and it carried into fall. I am not sure how it started but one morning, she basically took the time to make sure he got back into the house and kissed him good-bye. He had no idea where he was but he had the one thing that nations base wars on....love. Mr. Berry had achieved narnia. He found someone who loved him no matter what. I wonder if any of us will find it or realize it if we do. I cried the whole ride home and my mom never understood but I knew that was love that I might never see again. Blame the Beam but you know that it drives us all. The search for acceptance and love. Nah Fuck it blam ethe Beam
Monday, October 18, 2004
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
side notes
so for the next month, it is just me and the dog. part of me is kinda ok with it. i always seem to have some moment of clarity when i all alone.
kinda makes me miss felix ave. i used to have the house to myself every sun. night. not really sure how it worked out, it just did. i would go out on the porch and sit on the swing that we had donated by our benefactor (this was prior to its untimely demise). i used to write letters that i never sent. who was the letters were for is unimportant. i had so many moments of clarity. i think that it might have been the last time that i cried. i just felt like things were clearer there on that porch.
i guess that i miss alot of things about being 20. i had crushes, a shitty job, and lots of free time. i spend my days now rushing to everyplace that i go. i feel like i am always in a hurry and time passes by and the shit stays the same. i have better taste in music now and think about suicide less but i am not sure if it all makes sense. i really saw my life being different and i guess it still can be. it is funny i want the same thing today that i wanted 10 years ago. i make something that is from my heart that affects someone else. in a way that so many things have affected me. like the first time i heard stranger's almanac. i must listened to that record 50 times. granted most of them were while a bottle of jd followed by a nap. but it changed my life. i quit being snobby about art. i like what i like now. i am not concerned about its revelance to anyone else. it is probably the last record that i heard that i never recommended to a soul. i want it all to myself. i don't my friends saying something shitty and planting any a seed of doubt in my mind.
i guess i am here now so i must be here and make it work. i used to think that i created my own misery and maybe now i have in some ways. but i am in a 7 year and i expect to have a moment soon. --in short, i believe that every seven years a significant event happens in my life and is usually marked by some pop culture which i use to remember it with. 21 was "beautiful girls" and it has framed my 20's. i am still waiting for this year's event.--
speaking of crying. i used to cry often. it is weird how things happen. i never really noticed that i don't cry anymore until the last few years. nothing effects me anymore. i never even tear up. i have only person to thank for this occurrence. SHE. she left me the last time cried. not actually at that moment but she said that day that she changed the way she felt. the whole incident is irrevelant but it changed my life. i hardened my heart that day. i became the asshole that i knew i could be and didn't look back for years. i lost alot of friends and gained a few pseudo ones to replace that old ones but none stuck.
being alone brings clarity b/c you get to have the conversations that you never can. i have a lot of them here now and that is why these entries never flow. they are just my random thoughts as they come out. one into the other. with no feedback blurring the outcome. i imagine the next month they will get even more muddy as alcohol will be involved.
kinda makes me miss felix ave. i used to have the house to myself every sun. night. not really sure how it worked out, it just did. i would go out on the porch and sit on the swing that we had donated by our benefactor (this was prior to its untimely demise). i used to write letters that i never sent. who was the letters were for is unimportant. i had so many moments of clarity. i think that it might have been the last time that i cried. i just felt like things were clearer there on that porch.
i guess that i miss alot of things about being 20. i had crushes, a shitty job, and lots of free time. i spend my days now rushing to everyplace that i go. i feel like i am always in a hurry and time passes by and the shit stays the same. i have better taste in music now and think about suicide less but i am not sure if it all makes sense. i really saw my life being different and i guess it still can be. it is funny i want the same thing today that i wanted 10 years ago. i make something that is from my heart that affects someone else. in a way that so many things have affected me. like the first time i heard stranger's almanac. i must listened to that record 50 times. granted most of them were while a bottle of jd followed by a nap. but it changed my life. i quit being snobby about art. i like what i like now. i am not concerned about its revelance to anyone else. it is probably the last record that i heard that i never recommended to a soul. i want it all to myself. i don't my friends saying something shitty and planting any a seed of doubt in my mind.
i guess i am here now so i must be here and make it work. i used to think that i created my own misery and maybe now i have in some ways. but i am in a 7 year and i expect to have a moment soon. --in short, i believe that every seven years a significant event happens in my life and is usually marked by some pop culture which i use to remember it with. 21 was "beautiful girls" and it has framed my 20's. i am still waiting for this year's event.--
speaking of crying. i used to cry often. it is weird how things happen. i never really noticed that i don't cry anymore until the last few years. nothing effects me anymore. i never even tear up. i have only person to thank for this occurrence. SHE. she left me the last time cried. not actually at that moment but she said that day that she changed the way she felt. the whole incident is irrevelant but it changed my life. i hardened my heart that day. i became the asshole that i knew i could be and didn't look back for years. i lost alot of friends and gained a few pseudo ones to replace that old ones but none stuck.
being alone brings clarity b/c you get to have the conversations that you never can. i have a lot of them here now and that is why these entries never flow. they are just my random thoughts as they come out. one into the other. with no feedback blurring the outcome. i imagine the next month they will get even more muddy as alcohol will be involved.
I can't sleep
i am finding it increasingly more difficult to sleep at night. I am not alleging some vast government conspiracy but each night it gets more weird. i lay down around 2 or 3 am and close my eyes( like a normal person). i am subjected to a round of visual imagery that is borderline "a clockwork orange". i see all these flashes of moving pictures of things that i can't place. it usually lasts about 10 minutes and i can never place any of it. most of it appears to have been around the early 19th century based on the clothes. i am getting totally weirded out by it. i am not one to put any stock in that past life non-sense but it is disturbing. i see things that i shouldn't and they are not from some movie. so in response i have decided to begin drinking heavily again. (i admit that i had slowed down b/c last time i got an apparent migraine while at work. it consisted of my vision blurring until i couldn't see anything but white light and thus became convinced i would be the new ray charles and since i play no instruments and my wife says that voice isn't good enough to make me the first "blind boy of tennessee", i cut back). whenever i pass out i don't have to deal with this bs so i yet again i fix myself. i say screw you to Kerry for trying to give health coverage to all americans. the alcohol industry has worked hard over the years to provide all americans with the opportunity to self medicate and now the good people in canada and mexico are doing their part. you can easily cross the border to get whatever you need and big ups to the drug industry for having commercials so that we all know what to ask for.
also, i heard to great quotes on npr today. i am prefacing this by saying that i am jumping off the blah blah blah election bandwagon so i am just sharing.
apparently a group of decided and undecided voters in an affluent suburd of Minneapolis had a debate "get-together".
--side note-- that is fucking weird to me that the upper middle class is so bored that they are having debate parties. it is not like it is the super bowl. although i think office pools would make it all more fun and get more people involved. i am not saying limit it to " i'll take bush and the points" but fuck let's include all the issues and get congress involved. "hey billy do think that the assault weapon ban will be re-introduced after the election. well joe i had hoped to ride the gay marriage deal to the top of the standing but cheney's lesbo daughter really fucked me so i am hoping that the ten commandments getting banned puts me back in this thing. i had the dems and 5 votes but vegas just pushed the line to even so i am feeling to good". i attribute my deep affection for the nfl and college basketball to the good people at vegas and the chance to pocket and extra $50 bones at the job. --
so the folks get together and the one lady tells npr "I have a good many friends who have said that if they had a draft age child, they would rethink their vote." and the next lady says " I have type 1 diabetes, and i am voting bush. i really feel that kerry's efforts for a national health care program is bad. i really feel that he should do more research." in the spirit of my refusal to lean one way or the other online i am refraining from commentary. i will say that sean penn may be pissed at matt and trey for saying that uninformed voters should not vote but as always comedy central makes a good point. and that chapelle is funny.
also, i heard to great quotes on npr today. i am prefacing this by saying that i am jumping off the blah blah blah election bandwagon so i am just sharing.
apparently a group of decided and undecided voters in an affluent suburd of Minneapolis had a debate "get-together".
--side note-- that is fucking weird to me that the upper middle class is so bored that they are having debate parties. it is not like it is the super bowl. although i think office pools would make it all more fun and get more people involved. i am not saying limit it to " i'll take bush and the points" but fuck let's include all the issues and get congress involved. "hey billy do think that the assault weapon ban will be re-introduced after the election. well joe i had hoped to ride the gay marriage deal to the top of the standing but cheney's lesbo daughter really fucked me so i am hoping that the ten commandments getting banned puts me back in this thing. i had the dems and 5 votes but vegas just pushed the line to even so i am feeling to good". i attribute my deep affection for the nfl and college basketball to the good people at vegas and the chance to pocket and extra $50 bones at the job. --
so the folks get together and the one lady tells npr "I have a good many friends who have said that if they had a draft age child, they would rethink their vote." and the next lady says " I have type 1 diabetes, and i am voting bush. i really feel that kerry's efforts for a national health care program is bad. i really feel that he should do more research." in the spirit of my refusal to lean one way or the other online i am refraining from commentary. i will say that sean penn may be pissed at matt and trey for saying that uninformed voters should not vote but as always comedy central makes a good point. and that chapelle is funny.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
ok so you think the media is biased
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uselections2004/markosmoulitsas/story/0,15139,1325454,00.html
an editorial about the debates.
http://www.publicintegrity.org/report.aspx?aid=396&sid=100 The truth about Iraqi prisoner abuse
so I figure very few people will read this or these links but at least do this one thing. Read this letter that I attached below my lil' essay.
I tried to volunteer to go to Aghanistan but only got as close as Diego Garcia. I got two medals out of it but more importantly I got to do what I felt was right. I helped send cargo to supply the troops over there and supplies to help reconstruct Aghanistan. I am not a tree huggin' hippie but I believe that we are not doing what is right for the world. I work with men and women who have been to Iraq and came back but not everyone does. Can we really justify over 1000 US deaths and over 5000 wounded for a war that hardly any of us really believed benefited our country. The Islamic world is unifying itself in its distrust and dislike of our country. The colonization of Islamic lands does not prevent the spread of terrorism but only feeds the hate. It is not fair that I have to constantly change the route I take to walk my dog and the route that I take to work to ensure that I am not standing out. I want my family to feel same just like I am sure you do. I am proud of America so much that it tears me up inside to see our country so hated at the moment. We are a nation of idealists that must unite in our pursuit of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for all of our occupants. We owe it to our soldiers (an all volunteer force, I remind you) to not send them unneccarily into harm's way. Vote with your heart and your head. Just vote because we will do what our commander in chief tells us regardless of how we feel or who they are. That is the oath that we took to have the priviledge to put the uniform on and represent our country. Just be honest with us and don't send us to die carelessly. The men and women of the armed services deserve better.
From: Gerard E. Dolan [e-mail address omitted]Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2004 4:18 PMSubject: Soldiers helping the children of Mosul, Iraq
Friends,
I wanted to apprise you of a few things that might help you understand some of my fears and frustrations.
Did you know that American citizens at the Republican National Convetion last night were wearing band-aids with Purple Hearts on them to mock veterans (i.e. Kerry) who were lightly wounded? I'm in a bunker in Mosul, Iraq, getting mortared daily, and I have to watch my countrymen wearing Purple Heart Band-aids and getting coverage on CNN, MSNBC, and FOX?
Did you know that two nights ago, our combat support hospital took in two casualties from an IED (improvised explosive device, a road side bomb)? One kid had two broken legs, a broken arm, broken ribs, and a punctured lung. The other kid was trapped in the vehicle and burned to death. Have you ever seen a burnt human body? It's a sight you won't forget and the smell never leaves you.
I wish I could reach out to those fine Americans at the Republican National Convention and make then see what I've seen; I would show them all of the wounds and injuries our surgeons, nurses, and medics have treated. American soldiers are dying over here, and those at the convention have the temerity to mock us? While the balloons drop and the banners wave, somebody's son is taking fire, somebody's daughter is crying for her mother on our operating room table, and somebody's husband is lying cold in a "pouch, human remains." Will that be enough to convince these model citizens to take off their Purple Heart Band-Aids?
I consider myself a proud ex-pat, along with the 150,000 or so other soldiers in Iraq. Given all that us ex-pats are doing to further democracy in the Middle East, is it too much to ask for a little respect and a vote now and then? When will we be able to have some intelligent debate over real issues: health care, creating more jobs, bringing our boys home, increasing taxes on corporations, etc.?
By the way, if anyone wants to make a difference in the future of Iraq, my unit is working with our civil affiars battalion to collect school supplies for the local schools in Mosul. Apparently, there isn't enough money in the interim Iraqi budget to pay for pencils, pens, and composition books. School starts September 11th. Leave no child behind!
Sincerely,Gerry DolanUS Army
an editorial about the debates.
http://www.publicintegrity.org/report.aspx?aid=396&sid=100 The truth about Iraqi prisoner abuse
so I figure very few people will read this or these links but at least do this one thing. Read this letter that I attached below my lil' essay.
I tried to volunteer to go to Aghanistan but only got as close as Diego Garcia. I got two medals out of it but more importantly I got to do what I felt was right. I helped send cargo to supply the troops over there and supplies to help reconstruct Aghanistan. I am not a tree huggin' hippie but I believe that we are not doing what is right for the world. I work with men and women who have been to Iraq and came back but not everyone does. Can we really justify over 1000 US deaths and over 5000 wounded for a war that hardly any of us really believed benefited our country. The Islamic world is unifying itself in its distrust and dislike of our country. The colonization of Islamic lands does not prevent the spread of terrorism but only feeds the hate. It is not fair that I have to constantly change the route I take to walk my dog and the route that I take to work to ensure that I am not standing out. I want my family to feel same just like I am sure you do. I am proud of America so much that it tears me up inside to see our country so hated at the moment. We are a nation of idealists that must unite in our pursuit of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for all of our occupants. We owe it to our soldiers (an all volunteer force, I remind you) to not send them unneccarily into harm's way. Vote with your heart and your head. Just vote because we will do what our commander in chief tells us regardless of how we feel or who they are. That is the oath that we took to have the priviledge to put the uniform on and represent our country. Just be honest with us and don't send us to die carelessly. The men and women of the armed services deserve better.
From: Gerard E. Dolan [e-mail address omitted]Sent: Wednesday, September 01, 2004 4:18 PMSubject: Soldiers helping the children of Mosul, Iraq
Friends,
I wanted to apprise you of a few things that might help you understand some of my fears and frustrations.
Did you know that American citizens at the Republican National Convetion last night were wearing band-aids with Purple Hearts on them to mock veterans (i.e. Kerry) who were lightly wounded? I'm in a bunker in Mosul, Iraq, getting mortared daily, and I have to watch my countrymen wearing Purple Heart Band-aids and getting coverage on CNN, MSNBC, and FOX?
Did you know that two nights ago, our combat support hospital took in two casualties from an IED (improvised explosive device, a road side bomb)? One kid had two broken legs, a broken arm, broken ribs, and a punctured lung. The other kid was trapped in the vehicle and burned to death. Have you ever seen a burnt human body? It's a sight you won't forget and the smell never leaves you.
I wish I could reach out to those fine Americans at the Republican National Convention and make then see what I've seen; I would show them all of the wounds and injuries our surgeons, nurses, and medics have treated. American soldiers are dying over here, and those at the convention have the temerity to mock us? While the balloons drop and the banners wave, somebody's son is taking fire, somebody's daughter is crying for her mother on our operating room table, and somebody's husband is lying cold in a "pouch, human remains." Will that be enough to convince these model citizens to take off their Purple Heart Band-Aids?
I consider myself a proud ex-pat, along with the 150,000 or so other soldiers in Iraq. Given all that us ex-pats are doing to further democracy in the Middle East, is it too much to ask for a little respect and a vote now and then? When will we be able to have some intelligent debate over real issues: health care, creating more jobs, bringing our boys home, increasing taxes on corporations, etc.?
By the way, if anyone wants to make a difference in the future of Iraq, my unit is working with our civil affiars battalion to collect school supplies for the local schools in Mosul. Apparently, there isn't enough money in the interim Iraqi budget to pay for pencils, pens, and composition books. School starts September 11th. Leave no child behind!
Sincerely,Gerry DolanUS Army
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Where is my mix tape...
the death of the mix tape is upon us. i admit that i am as guilty as the rest of you. i admit it, i steal. alot and often. no offense to you out there struggling. i do buy occasionally but mostly i steal. i decided that this driven by an overall lack of faith in your album not totally sucking. see i am poor and if i waste $15 on some shiite it really ruins my day. to be honest, anymore, if i burn your album on a 0.20 cd and it sucks then i am pissed. that is b/c i burn as data files and i usually have like 6-8 albums on a disk and it is too much work to remove your shiite. i am digressing.
mix tapes.
they used to take so much effort. i would spend hours making just the right mix. have my songs all lined up only to have cut a song or two b/c the fucking tape would cut halfway that last song. i know that maybe it wasn't that long ago when you last made a tape but cd's (especially MP3's) are causing this activity to die. i have so too much music as is and i can't take the time to get to know it.
some of you (ok nobody really reads these but..) know what i mean. my favorite mix tape of all time came from the most unlikely of sources. in the 10th grade i met carrie. she was total sensory overload. i imagine that our relationship would have been akin to foster parenting a crack baby while he detoxes. i am not going to attempt to explain carrie and me, only summarize us. carrie was a pot head, hippie turned raver, cheerleader, daughter of divorced drug addict welfare mom. me- at the time- straight edge, private school, horny, son of well adjusted normal suburban parents. you can see the drama unfolding but we got along great. carrie, despite all her flakiness and overall heinous taste in music, was a cure fanatic. i was a typical uninitiated teen boy "fuck that sissy eyeliner shiite". carrie was so insistent and i really liked her. she mailed me a tape (she sent me mail like all the time b/c she was goofy) even though i saw her everyday. so one weekend i played it and played it and played it. i knew every second of that tape. how each song would follow the other. i heard the intros in my head as the last song wound down. the best part of the tape was that it was classic carrie. see on side 2 as you finish your introduction to the cure, and by no means am i saying that this was or is the definitive cure mix but a good intro, carrieness comes into play. side 2 reveals that weird ass carrie apparently snagged a tape of mom's or somebody's that had some god awful opera-like singing going on. but over time i came to love even that part of that tape. see the funny thing is i haven't seen or heard from carrie since she came by my job late one night looking for money. she did have a small heroin problem at the time but hey, i am not hating on her. we all did some bad stuff in college. some people do heroin, some people fuck underage girls, some people embezzle money, and yet others find jesus in a coffeeshop. so hey, no judgments b/c that was carrie and that was my mix tape. i don't know where she is now but i still got my tape.
oh but my initial point was i made this rockin' suicide mix cd using some shit that i had in my bag at work and the fucking burner keeps fucking up on this song. which sucks b/c i was planning on giving to the wife's lil sis. she starts college next year and is not cool . well not in sense that you all think is cool. she is 17, goofy, girly, and likes hoobastink. i figure that she needs a mix tape about as bad as you can need a mix tape. so i made this great cd with iron and wine, new order, adams, rice, etc. good music to break up to b/c i figure she is a good heartbreak away from being a lil' bit cooler at least i hope. although i did enjoy our lohan v. duff discussion last time i saw her. --side note-- i do heart lohan b/c i have a soft spots for the slutties but the new boobies were just unnecessary. so anyway, read 'songbook' by nick hornby and make somebody a tape. fuck even a cd. there is too much shit out there now but i am loving the pixies 'debaser' today...
mix tapes.
they used to take so much effort. i would spend hours making just the right mix. have my songs all lined up only to have cut a song or two b/c the fucking tape would cut halfway that last song. i know that maybe it wasn't that long ago when you last made a tape but cd's (especially MP3's) are causing this activity to die. i have so too much music as is and i can't take the time to get to know it.
some of you (ok nobody really reads these but..) know what i mean. my favorite mix tape of all time came from the most unlikely of sources. in the 10th grade i met carrie. she was total sensory overload. i imagine that our relationship would have been akin to foster parenting a crack baby while he detoxes. i am not going to attempt to explain carrie and me, only summarize us. carrie was a pot head, hippie turned raver, cheerleader, daughter of divorced drug addict welfare mom. me- at the time- straight edge, private school, horny, son of well adjusted normal suburban parents. you can see the drama unfolding but we got along great. carrie, despite all her flakiness and overall heinous taste in music, was a cure fanatic. i was a typical uninitiated teen boy "fuck that sissy eyeliner shiite". carrie was so insistent and i really liked her. she mailed me a tape (she sent me mail like all the time b/c she was goofy) even though i saw her everyday. so one weekend i played it and played it and played it. i knew every second of that tape. how each song would follow the other. i heard the intros in my head as the last song wound down. the best part of the tape was that it was classic carrie. see on side 2 as you finish your introduction to the cure, and by no means am i saying that this was or is the definitive cure mix but a good intro, carrieness comes into play. side 2 reveals that weird ass carrie apparently snagged a tape of mom's or somebody's that had some god awful opera-like singing going on. but over time i came to love even that part of that tape. see the funny thing is i haven't seen or heard from carrie since she came by my job late one night looking for money. she did have a small heroin problem at the time but hey, i am not hating on her. we all did some bad stuff in college. some people do heroin, some people fuck underage girls, some people embezzle money, and yet others find jesus in a coffeeshop. so hey, no judgments b/c that was carrie and that was my mix tape. i don't know where she is now but i still got my tape.
oh but my initial point was i made this rockin' suicide mix cd using some shit that i had in my bag at work and the fucking burner keeps fucking up on this song. which sucks b/c i was planning on giving to the wife's lil sis. she starts college next year and is not cool . well not in sense that you all think is cool. she is 17, goofy, girly, and likes hoobastink. i figure that she needs a mix tape about as bad as you can need a mix tape. so i made this great cd with iron and wine, new order, adams, rice, etc. good music to break up to b/c i figure she is a good heartbreak away from being a lil' bit cooler at least i hope. although i did enjoy our lohan v. duff discussion last time i saw her. --side note-- i do heart lohan b/c i have a soft spots for the slutties but the new boobies were just unnecessary. so anyway, read 'songbook' by nick hornby and make somebody a tape. fuck even a cd. there is too much shit out there now but i am loving the pixies 'debaser' today...
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